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This article is
courtesy of Neil MacQueen and Sunday Software,
www.sundaysoftware.com and may be reprinted.
I've been
working in Christian education for 25+ years
-guiding kids to know God, study the Bible, and
feel good about being part of the church.
Unsatisfied with traditional approaches that get
poor results, I have been a leader in
redeveloping Sunday School through the Workshop
Rotation Model (rotation.org) and designing
exciting
Bible software for kids (sundaysoftware.com).
I am also a Presbyterian minister. Having served
in two churches, I am
currently serving as a Parish Associate in a
Reformed Church.
For more
articles from Neil about C.E. and church issues,
go to
www.sundaysoftware.com/articles |
The Goals & Activities of Tribe13
In some ways, Tribe13 functioned like a typical youth
group (even when the kids were only children). We met mostly on Wednesday nights, ate together,
learned, worshipped, and played together. We did
service projects, and went on retreats. Not everything
about traditional youth ministry was wrong! But there
were several things that made the Tribe13 experiment
DIFFERENT. And each of the following things made those
traditional elements much more rewarding.
We
changed the schedule to meet the changing needs of
individuals within the group.
Example: When a couple of our kids had Wednesday night
sport practice, we met on Sunday after church instead.
This caused a bit of a stir among the other Wednesday
night groups. In our last year together, the
parents and kids all agreed we should move to Sunday
nights, because as the kids got older, Wednesday Night
was increasingly taken up by sports and homework in our
community. Often such decisions are made by a distant
committee, and then rarely revisited. Programs get
created and it's "take it or leave it." But the Tribe's
schedule was entirely flexible, and we always consulted
kids and parents about the scheduling of special
events so that no one would be left out if we could
avoid it. As someone famous once said, "the Sabbath was
made for man, not man for the Sabbath."
We spent time with each other outside of church.
Members of the group attended each other's school plays
and sporting events. The kids would go to movies
together. Go for pizza. And when we met together, each
talked about what they had been doing. We emphasized
relationships, -being part of each other's lives
outside the church.
We sought to know each other
more than superficially.
Doing youth groups over the years, it always kind of
bothered me that the kids didn't really know each other
that well, even after a year or more of evening
meetings. So in Tribe13 we really focused on that
through a variety of means. One of things we most looked
forward to were our monthly "HOME" events. Each month
one of the members' families would invite the group into
their home for meal and meeting. Parents and siblings
were encouraged to take part. Home movies were
encouraged to be shown much to the delight of everyone.
Each parent worked with their tribe member to construct
"a shrine" of their most prized possessions for the
group to peruse. We visited their bedrooms and saw their
posters and toys. I have often said that if I were
forced to choose between meeting in church or meeting in
a member home, I would choose home, no questions asked.
We sought to keep the same leaders.
There were three of us who made the commitment to
stick with these kids for more than just a year or two
like the typical volunteer. This was a family.
This is how you get to know kids and build trust.
Unlike past youth groups, the three Tribe13 leaders
were related to kids in the group. "Tim" and I had our
own kids in the group, and "Dorothy" had a grandson
in the group.
Dorothy had spent decades working with
children in the church. They loved her. Dorothy also
intuitively understood how Tribe13 was trying to be
different than all the youth groups she had been
involved with. She had seen her own children grow up in
youth groups and leave the church. She didn't want it to
be like that for her grandson.
When it was possible, we also brought in some college
students whom the kids knew. And like every young adult
I've ever worked with in youth ministry, you know that
it probably meant more to them than it did to the kids,
though it was certainly cool for the kids to see a
college student taking their faith seriously ...and
taking an interest in them.
Pulling real parents into the group is a great
idea.
When the kids were young we
regularly brought parents into the group. -which
made it easier to keep parents part of things as the
kids get older. This created a lot of support and
"buy in" from the parents, which helped as the kids
got older and schedules changed. It also made things
feel more like a family. When the
youth group met in homes, parents and siblings
were encouraged to be front and center, and they loved
that. And as our Tribe kids got older it made it easier
to incorporate families into certain events.
Having parents help with
the group also gave the kids an
opportunity to relate to a parent-figures like their own
parents, without it always being "their" parent. This is
slightly better than having the typical "buddy couple"
lead the group, --the
enthusiastic young adult couple with a baby on the way
who think they understand kids. Truth is, they actually
have VERY LITTLE experience with pre-teens and teenagers.
In my opinion, it's better for a Jr. High to have an
adult to relate to who is similar to their own
parent than quite different. It's sort of like the
difference between having an Uncle to relate to.
Avoid Burning-Out the Leaders and the Kids
Some traditional youth groups and leaders are like
whirling dervishes....they spin themselves faster and
faster for the purposes of religious ecstasy or out of
some sense of duty and enthusiasm. ....Then they
crash, group and leaders. Many years ago I used to call my youth group kids
on Sunday afternoon to remind them to attend that night.
But after one phonecall I realized I was sending the
wrong message to some of the kids who couldn't make "my"
events. "Amy" was crying on the phone because she had a
track meet and couldn't attend. Every time I'd see her in worship
she'd apologize profusely, feeling like she had let
me down. As my own kids became teenagers, I
began to realize just how BUSY their lives were. We
needed a group that worked for them and within
their lives, ..and not just for
those who had the evening free. And we needed a group
that worked for the leader's lives as well. Tribe13
stepped away from the whirling dervish model for
youth ministry. For example, rather than running
concurrent with the school year, September to May,
like a traditional group, we adjusted our "program
pace," type and timing of events throughout the year
to accommodate seasonal schedules.
One of the benefits of
the Tribe13 approach was in the way we defined our group. Kids
tend to think they're "in" -if they attend,
and "out" if they miss a couple of meetings. In Tribe13,
because we tried to scheduled around the kids events as
much as possible, we sent a new message. Think about
it.... most churches and leaders see themselves as
"in competition" for the kids attention. But in
Tribe13, rather than complain about Spring Soccer,
band practice, and school plays, we scheduled around
them as much as possible. And we would GO TO the
kids' events.... taking other group members with us.
I wish that I could
have gone and supported "Amy" at her track meet, and
brought youth group members with me. I should have
celebrated Amy's passion for running, rather than
giving off the subtle message that her running was
competing with God. So.....in Tribe13, we all
went to Craig's football game rather than hold a meeting
at the same time that he couldn't attend. (Man, we HE a
happy camper; and so was the group.) That's one of the
other
things we began to realize over the years with Tribe13,
--that there was value in just hanging out with each
other. In the old days I would have felt like we didn't
accomplish much if we didn't have some sort of
"content" in our get-togethers. That's because I
was short-term program oriented.
We also "eased-up" on our schedule.
We didn't have to meet every week, and we didn't have to
meet all year round. Instead, we were in tune with the
"seasons" of their schedules. In a traditional youth
group, for example, a lot of your 'prime programming'
falls in October and November, which is exactly the same
time the kids are most involved in school plays and
sports, -and have a lot of homework. Part of the
key for us was communicating with the parents and
kids, and being willing to adjust our schedule as
things came up.
The other Wednesday Night powers-that-be at Hill
church didn't like it when we didn't meet the same time
they did. Their model got it's energy and sense of
success seeing a lot of kids in one place. But large
groups are a lousy way to build relationships and aren't
that attractive to kids who spend all day at school
with lots of people. We did
often meet with the other groups for dinner, but we sat
at our own table. In fact, they couldn't wait to sit
down with each other. They didn't all go to the same
schools, and they missed each other during the week.
From time to time we did invite the other younger or
older groups to play with us. I know this comes
across as "exclusive" ...but our primary goal was to
build the bonds between peers that would improve the
sharing and learning, and their desire to come be
together as a group, in worship, and at church
events. ...And the bonds grew strong.
No Artificial Sweeteners
It's easy to build attendance, just ask the kids to
bring their friends. But "friends" are a two-edged
sword in most youth groups. They tend not to come
with the same "buy in" that the regular kids have. They
tend to be a little less disciplined, less friendly to
other kids, and less prepared to participate in
discussion. They also draw the limited time and
attention of the leaders. And then they're gone.
Sorry if this offends your evangelistic senses, but this
is the truth in most youth groups.
I've had some big youth groups over the years filled
with friends. But I believe our first priority is to
do quality youth ministry, not quantity.
I'd like to confess that I have limited time and
resources and help. It was true when I was on staff, and
it was certainly true as a volunteer leader. Where
then should we invest our limited resources? I
believe we should first nurture the regular attending
kids of members. That is where the soil is most
richly prepared. These are the families who came to us
first, --who gave us the resources, their trust, and
their children. These are the ones who have the
MUCH higher likelihood of becoming adult believers in
our congregation. (I know how this sounds, but I'm not
Superman.) Feel free to nuance this any way you
want, but you get my drift.
We had a "Friends Policy" that made perfect
sense to us, the parents, and the kids, but it was
frequently misunderstood by some people in our church
looking for a reason to criticize our new fangled ideas.
We said, "Bring any friend once or twice a year, after
that, they can come only if they want to join the group
and attend regularly. And certain events are for regular
group members only."
Our retreats for example were
REALLY good because we only opened them to regular attenders, whether they be kids from the church or
friends who had become regular. And our really FUN
events, like the night we took over the 'bouncey room'
fun center, were "members only." We didn't want
Tribe13 to be just another recreation option.
It's amazing how kids respond to having a standard set
high. This friends "containment" policy also
allowed us to minister to some of the more quiet regular
kids, who often feel less comfortable in large groups
with peers they don't know.
A Family that Prays
together Stays Together
We worshipped with each other
during group time. We did
things to encourage participation in congregational
worship. We signed the kids up to usher and be lay
readers. We understood that the kids needed a
relationship with the preacher, so every year we
looked for ways to connect him with them. We made a
point of having the kids help lead regular and
special worship events. Nothing earth-shattering here...
but what made it different than all the other groups
I've ever worked with, was that we started when they
were young, and kept them together doing it, and
made it a priority instead of just a hope.
We committed to join the
church together as a group.
Starting in the 5th/6th grade year, we started talking
with them about "joining the church together" ...which meant
"learning together." This made them feel special. It
also gave the parents an important feeling about our
group. While we emphasized joining as a personal
faith decision, we also used this "group join"
approach as a lesson in how we come to faith and act
in faith as a church, as a family. It worked because
the Tribe WAS a family, and not just a typical
"class" put together for the year. Read more about our Tribe13 Confirmation
process below.
Better Pizza...
I've worked with a lot of youth groups over three
decades, but never one more comfortable with itself,
more caring towards each other, and more ready to "get
down to business" than Tribe13. This was due in part to
the kids themselves. We had some great ones. But it was
no doubt also due to the fact that we had treated them
like a tribe since they were kids. By the time they had
become 7th and 8th graders, we could move into
"discussion time" without a complaint and with
few distractions. In past
youth groups, the kids kept their guard up. In Tribe13,
discussion time always went over well, which made the
pizza taste all the better.
The Pastor
For better or worse, kids often equate their sense of
well-being in worship with how they feel about the
pastor. So in Tribe13, we made an extra effort to
connect the Senior Pastor with the kids in a variety of
comfortable settings. One of my favorite photos is from
the night we all had dinner at the pastor's house. We
told the kids to dress up, but didn't tell the pastor
(that was a hoot). He cooked us an Indian meal and
showed slides of his prior ministry in India. Happenings
like this helped him get to know the kids personally.
The parents, needless to say, were ecstatic.
"The
Long Range Effect"
Staying together year in and year out was a big
goal. We knew there would be long-term benefits to
starting with them when they were young and sticking
with them. What we didn't expect was that the KIDS
themselves would appreciate this concept. We emphasized
"family" and they embraced it. And even though my
youngest daughter is no longer at that church or even in
that state... she still keeps in touch through Facebook
and text messaging with several of the kids from the
Tribe. Indeed, we always told the kids and parents that
"even after High School, we'd still be the Tribe."
All of these things began to
change the QUALITY of our time together, or
relationships, and our possibilities.
(I'm sure a better
writer could describe these ideas more melodiously,
but hopefully you get it!)
Results:
It worked to a point. For the kids in the program,
their families and leaders it was an unqualified
success! But as mentioned, a number of
families, including ours, and some staff people
started to leave because of other problems. The
children and youth ministry that remained shrunk.
The staff person in charge of the ministry
eventually left. This is the Achilles heel of all
great ideas and programs...leadership changes and
outside problems. So this article only amounts to a
trail of breadcrumbs and cautions. The final
destination will be yours.
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Some Answers to Questions...
Why two grades?
That's what worked for us. I suppose you could do three
grades depending on your circumstances, but with three grades,
the developmental and emotional age difference between youngest
and oldest can be large, -especially at certain ages, such as at
the 5th grade boundary. We wanted to build a long term
"natural" peer group, ...a group of friends
who's bonds would make the group something special, and help
them go deeper into faith & living issues.
To decide between two or three grades, you really need to
look at the kids themselves. Two works great if you can pull
it off. We had about 14 kids in that age bracket at our
church. And 10-12 of them were regular participants in the
Tribe. Four grades is too much of a developmental
spread to build a group in which each person views the other
as a peer. And the life experiences of a 2nd grader compared
to a 5th or 6th grader, or an incoming 9th grader and High
School junior are too divergent. You usually end up with two
groups within the one you were hoping for, and the older
kids often frustrated with the immaturity of "the new kids."
It's a programming hurdle youth leaders are all too familiar
with, and just by the time you begin to work it out, the
program year ends and you have to go through it again the
next year. To be sure, we did
make sure our two grades stayed in touch with older and
younger children at the church. But for quality bonding and
fellowship programming, the closer in age, the better.
How does this affect the grades above and below the Tribe
grades?
First...Creating
FIXED NATURAL GROUPS that "age" together is NOTHING NEW. Bible classes and 'young adult' groups have done it
for years. But it does create some implementation challenges
with children and youth....
For example, what if a certain grade
or two
doesn't have enough kids to form a group? It happens in small
churches. The solution is to either, a) start small and grow
the group, or b) expense to three grade groups. Having
served and worshipped in churches of many sizes and
situations, I know that the answer dependant on many local
variables. At the Hill church, the two grade groups we
started with were an obvious choice. We only had 2 kids
above in the next grade, and 1 below, and none of the 3 was
a natural peer to the kids in the two grades we formed into
our first Tribe. And what do you do
with the upcoming first graders if they can't be combined
into the 2nd and 3rd grade "Tribe"? We had plans and ideas to deal with this. One plan for
example, was to start a new group every two years. This would
mean that new first graders might have to wait until they were
second graders to form a new group with the upcoming first
graders. It's variable for sure, --particularly in smaller
churches, but the results are worth the change in thinking. It
creates organic groups, instead of artificial ones. To put
it in another way, it unhooks us from the public school system
of "grades" and school divisions. It allows the church to look
at its individual kids and ask "what's possible" and "what's
best." I know that sounds
radical... to open up fellowship programming only every two
years to the younger grades, instead of each year to new upcoming children. But
where is it written that we HAVE to add a grade each year? And who's to say you don't do some special family
ministry with those 1st graders during their "waiting year"?
Or...why not work with them when they are 4 & 5 year olds
together? One point of the Tribe13 Experiment was to
UNSHACKLE ourselves from our conventional thinking about
'grade groups'. You can't start young enough to form lasting
peer-bonds. And again... it's those peer bonds that are the
foundation to all our programming goals.
How does the Tribe concept affect Youth Groups?
Fact: the Tribe concept was created
SPECIFICALLY to create a future Youth Group!
We realized that to build a different kind of
youth ministry and group experience, we needed to start with
the kids were much younger. So much of youth group
programming is "community building" --what would
happen if they already WERE a community when they became
youth? It's every youth minister's dream not to have
to start from scratch, and to be able to go further with
kids because they were ready.
Creating fixed groups of children that "age together" also
eventually create a challenge for the existing High School
group -if it doesn't move to the "fixed group" model.
High School groups are used to getting a new grade of kids
each year to replace those they've lost to to graduation.
But it's a problem you have for only a few years, and there are
several creative solutions to it.
For example, if you switch to
a Tribe concept, the High School group no
longer gets a 'new grade' added to it each year. So... that group
will eventually need to change how it functions and relates to each other
as it loses kids to graduation. It
can become its own tribe, and as its kids move towards
graduation, they can work to stay in touch with Tribe
members who have graduated, or invite friends to maintain a
functional number (in a small church this is important).
It's a scary idea for leaders who didn't sign-on to lead a
shrinking group. But smaller is not bad, if you
adjust to it and don't keep programming like you still have
15 kids, rather than 8. The problem is when leaders
don't know what else to do, ...when they only know one way
of running a youth group. (Frankly, many youth groups need
to adjust ANYWAY as their kids "age." In most churches,
attendance drops as the High Schoolers start to drive and
get closer to graduation, and yet, every year the group's
program stays the same, and yet we blame the kids for not
coming as much? Better to group kids in natural age
groups so that you can minister to their changing needs/age.
One size does not fit all.
And let's be honest: traditional youth group thinking has produced poor
long-term results for the Church. Most kids coming up
through traditional youth programming do not return to the
Church as adults. It's a hard truth many youth leaders don't
want to hear. Tribe13 is an overhaul to conventional
thinking. "What
happens when the Tribe gets to the end of High School and one grade
graduates?" We had
plans for that too. We were going to redefine how we met as
a group that year and how we stayed in touch. Having worked
with High School Seniors and College students for many
years, it's not as hard as it sounds. And indeed, most youth
group already struggle with how to keep Seniors and grads
connected. The Tribe13 Experiment would make it EASIER
because the kids themselves would be so bonded by their
years together that they would WANT to stay in touch.
Many of us knew that the NEED for change
outweighed the challenges change would create.
Many of us knew that we could adapt to unforeseen consequences.
We weren't scared about that.
But not everyone is comfortable with beginning a journey
without a complete set of maps.
Below I describe one of the big motivating
factors for change: my daughter was in the group, and I wanted
her to have a different experience of youth groups and the
church than all the groups and kids I had worked with before.
More about that "promise" in a moment.
Tribe13 Experiment reminded me a lot of my work with creating
the Workshop Rotation Model for Sunday School. (rotation.org)
- The essential ideas were correct.
- We had a plan, not a prescription. We
knew we'd be creating as we created.
- The long term results we were seeking
were worth the short-term concerns.
- Change and Challenge opens your mind and
frees you see new possibilities and solutions.
- The old ways, while comfortable and
predictable, weren't producing the results we dreamed of.
The Tribe13 Name
"Tribe13" has
several meanings. First, "tribe" sounded fun. Early in my
ministry I used to dismiss the importance of fun youth group names,
...and I was a dope. Names give you identify.
We also chose
"tribe" because that was what we had become and wanted
to become, --a natural affinity group, --an extended
family.
The name also harkened back to the twelve tribes of
Israel, which gave it a little Bible cachet. We also thought it
was kind of cool to be "the 13th Tribe of Israel." And at the
time, putting "numbers" in your youth group name was popular.
Though '13' was considered "unlucky" by some, our group turned
it into something of a positive joke. When something odd would
happen, or didn't work right, or somebody tripped, or knocked
something over, somebody would quip, "well, we are the 13th
tribe of Israel, afterall." We would also sometimes joke
that we were the "Lost Tribe".
Tribe13 was a promise to my daughter
I
had a very personal motive in starting Tribe13. When my
family and I started attending the Hill Church, my two oldest
daughters didn't like their fellowship groups. As a former youth
pastor, it was hard listening to my daughters
complain about their fellowship group. My oldest daughter
stopped going on Wednesday nights, and I didn't blame her. (When
we started Tribe13, I invited her to be a "big sister" to the
kids, and she gladly accepted. This was going to be another
feature of the Tribe, bringing in brothers and sisters of
college age to help). My middle daughter stuck with having a love-hate relationship
with her youth group until she
graduated. Over the years it broke my heart to hear her complain
about the activities and lack of attendance. Both my girls
also had a terrible Confirmation experience at Hill Church. It's
one thing for me to realize it wasn't good, but my
daughters also knew at the time that it wasn't good, and
I found myself apologizing for the church.
Where was "dad, the former youth pastor" while his older
daughters struggled in youth fellowship? I was working
with my youngest daughter's fellowship group on Wednesday night.
I would have given anything to also help with my older
daughters' youth groups, but they were held the same night as
the younger group. I couldn't do anything about the youth
group, but I WAS working with my youngest daughter's grade
school group, and made a promise to myself that I would STICK
with her group as long as she would let me TO MAKE SURE IT
DIDN'T HAPPEN TO THESE KIDS TOO. Part of my goal
in creating Tribe13 was DEMONSTRATE a new standard for
youth group and Confirmation programming.
After 3 years of working with my
youngest daughter's age group (before we
formed them into the Tribe) it was OBVIOUS that we had two
grades of kids who were strong attenders, had strong
church-going families, and the kids really liked being together.
The thought of breaking them up in a year or two because the
public schools were going to put them in different
schools --didn't seem right. (In our
community the 6th graders went to their own "6th Grade School",
then they were split into 3 Middle Schoolers, then 2
High Schools.)
The kids did not want to be broken up/recombined every
two years. That's how I
came to propose Tribe13 over the summer of 2001 when my youngest
was in 4th grade. I said, "Forget about how the public schools
do things, let's keep them together." --and we got the
green light. The kids were ecstatic, their parents were
enthusiastic, and my daughter gave me a huge hug.
It wasn't all roses...
When I first proposed the
idea of Tribe13, some in the congregation weren't as enthusiastic as the kids
and the parents were. They worried about Tribe13 becoming "too
exclusive." The proposal had us breaking out of the Wednesday
night model on occasion, and they were worried it might be
viewed as the Tribe getting "special treatment." They also
worried what it would mean for the kids in grades below and
above our two Tribe13 grades. But fortunately, Hill was a small
church, and there weren't any kids in the grade just below, and
only two in the grade above (and they weren't part of the
Tribe's natural peer group).
By forming this 'break-out'
group, with it's own goals and sense of autonomy, we
were also going up against the traditional lines of
authority in the church. Fortunately for us, this wasn't
much of a problem, but occasionally we'd hear a
complaint from someone in charge. Chairpersons,
committees, pastors, DCEs... the system is set up to
provide support, accountability, and control. But it can
also be about "turf" in some churches. Fortunately, we
didn't have to deal with that too much at the Hill
Church. I'm sure that one of the reasons Tribe13 was approved was
because of me. It's pretty hard to say "no" to a leader who
is willing to lead, -who has
the training, -has a track record of success in other churches,
-has the
support of the parents and kids, -and has a kid in the group. It's hard to say no to somebody
basically volunteering to lead these kids for the next umpteen years
AND help design a more fulfilling Confirmation experience along
the way. But what they probably didn't know was that my family
might have left the church had they not approved the idea. They
had already delivered a sub-par youth ministry to my two older
daughters, and I wasn't going to let it happen to my youngest.
Fortunately, I didn't have to go there. Tribe13 was approved
with relatively little discussion.
After we formed the group, it seems like every year
afterwards someone would complain about "what was going to
happen when the Tribe13 grades were in High School... how was
that going to affect the existing High School youth group!"
Frankly, the way the Senior youth group was shrinking it wasn't
going to be that big a deal. But we had a couple of years to
worry about it, and I told them "we'll figure it out."
Some people are comfortable exploring and experimenting. Others
let their fears keep them where they are, even if they don't
want to really be there. A year into the experiment I knew we
were on the right track. Tribe13 turned into something special.
They were kids like every other church I have ever been in, but
they were different because they were buying in to our new group
concept, and we were treating them different. The group averaged
between 10 and 14 kids every time we got together, and they
became fast friends and active members in the congregation.
Note: I don't think the
Hill Church is exceptional in some of its
reservations and problems that I encountered there.
I am grateful that they allowed us to experiment,
and hopeful that they learned a few things from our
time together. One person who read this article said
it sounded like I still had some issues with that
congregation, and I'm not gonna lie, I do. If
you've ever poured your soul into a group, only to
have to later walk away due to circumstances beyond
your control, you know how I feel. It's hard enough
for healthy congregations these days, and doubly
hard for those with problems. Word to the wise.
Who the heck is Neil MacQueen? ...and how do I know what I'm
talking about?
Some people naturally want to know my
authority for suggesting change. More important,
however, are the experiences that SUGGEST change!
I started teaching Sunday School and
leading youth and children's ministry groups back in 1977. I've
been a youth leader, youth director, a youth pastor intern,
Youth Pastor, and Associate Minister in charge of youth groups
and Sunday School.
I'll put my youth ministry credentials and experiences up
against anybody's. And indeed, it was those experiences
which lead me to REWORK the old model in favor of trying
something like Tribe13.
When we started Tribe13 in 2001, I was a
minister working full-time with my own Christian software
publishing company and looking forward to being "just" a
volunteer at the Hill Church. They recruited me to be a Wednesday night fellowship leader and a
Sunday School teacher. The church knew I was a Presbyterian minister, and
one of the founders of the Workshop Rotation Model, -a different
way to do Sunday School, -which that church planned to implement.
They also knew I had a company which develops
Christian education software, and eventually we created a small
computer lab there too. All my life I've been trying to
improve the experience of kids in the church. I've had some
success and some failures yelling into that wind. I count Tribe13
as a great success. -which ended in an unexpected and
unavoidable way.
| Unpopular Opinion:
Children's ministry is a great thing, but
it tends to be run like a "big group Sunday School."
--Structured, --a lot of rules, --run by "moms" (sorry
moms), with an emphasis on activities and schedules over
individual relationships. Many kids just don't
thrive in such an environment. And as a leader, you
become more like a ringmaster than mentor.
Before we came up with the Tribe13 concept, we had
already begun to subtly change our children's group
to have a little more "youth group" flavor to it.
IMHO: One of the problems with children's
groups is they tend to be run a little too tight, a
little too much like traditional Sunday School, when
what the kids need is more of a small group
-youth-group feel. And indeed, many churches recruit
two different types of leaders: someone to run the
children's program, and someone to run the youth
program. I remember one particular episode years ago
that is a great example of "the difference."
After teaching a lesson, I was called back into the
room to head-off a volunteer who was yelling at the
kids for not lining up at the door. I am comfortable
being a "a big kid" at times, but not all
parents are built that way. I have no problems
sticking a carrot in my nose at dinner or "Going
Hulkster" during beachball volleyball, because I
know that being my fun authentic self puts the kids
at ease, makes me a more approachable faith role
model and teacher.
In
seminars across North America, I have told told
youth pastors that they needed to realize that
their youth group already exists down in the
children's elementary grades. And that's where
they should start working with them before it's
too late. A few years ago some statistics came out
from Barna Research backing up this observation: the
teenage years are too late to begin doing the heavy
lifting of relational ministry and faith formation.
Tribe13 took this research to heart.
Most honest youth ministers will admit that they
spend a lot of their programming effort trying to
re-energize kids to "come back" to the church and go
deeper.
So over the years, I simply had one vision: "What
if I didn't have to spend all that effort convincing
them to come back?" What if my return rate
from 5th to 10th grade was 70% or 80% instead of 30%
or 40%?
But it's more than
just numbers...
What if we raised up an entirely
different kind of youth group -by laying the
groundwork when they
were young?
Imagine how we could
transform not only the program and things like
Confirmation, but the kids themselves! Tribe13
was born out of all those frustrations and visions.
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Even some of the pillars of the youth ministry community have
questioned the way we've been doing things....
The Case for Something Different
I have led youth
groups where we didn't have enough chairs and couches for all
the kids piling into the room. I've taken vanloads and
busloads of kids on mission trips and retreats. I've shepherded
11 different Confirmation classes through their course. But in
my gut, I knew that this type of traditional "apparently successful" youth
ministry wasn't producing the results we had hoped for: youth
going deeper with each other and with their faith and
becoming worshipping adults.
But what I was initially surprised
to learn was that I
was not alone in that gut feeling.
 I
remember my jaw hitting the floor the day I read Mike
Yaconelli's bombshell article in YouthWorker Journal about ten
years ago, in which he laid
waste to the past 30 years of youth ministry as we knew it.
His conclusion: "It was fun,
we filled the room, ...but it didn't work."
For those of you who don't know who I'm talking about,
Mike Yaconelli was the GODFATHER of modern youth ministry.
He and Wayne Rice (another of the YS Godfathers) published
the IDEAS books, among many others, a staple of every
church's youth ministry in the 70's and 80's. His
hippy-dippy traveling "Youth Specialties" seminars were
attended by everybody involved in youth ministry back then.
Then he blew it all up. After decades of doing really
creative youth ministry, and becoming the guru, he announced
"the Emperor has no clothes."
Mike wanted to know "where were all those kids now?"
Mike had led successful groups, but most of his enthusiastic
teens went off to college and didn't come back to the church. He
realized too late that they had created a church within the
church for these kids, and that once they were too old for youth
group, they didn't feel comfortable in the traditional boring
congregation, and so they didn't come back to it.
He also questioned the entire
hippy-dippy, recreational style "church-lite" youth
group ministry that he had helped create and resource.
Sadly, Yaconelli
died in a car accident the year after he delivered his
bombshell. Had he lived, I suspect youth ministry would have
been transformed. He was that much of a respected leader. But
there are voices out here. Mine, maybe yours, and people
like Mark DeVries....
A
few years ago Mark DeVries published "Family Based Youth
Ministry" (InterVarsity Press) ...which was another shot across the bow of
traditional youth ministry -this time coming from a Presbyterian
minister. I remember reading his book and thinking,
"this guy is reading my mind." And many of his
inclinations and suggestions for change sounded familiar. It's a book everyone
in youth ministry should read. Tribe13 took his book to heart,
and added a strong does of "family" to our programming.
"If you don't 'get it,' don't bother doing it."
I heard this somewhere and started quoting it to new
youth group leaders and youth pastors. Newbie youth pastors
often eschew advice from an 'old' codger like me because
they still believe they can lead youth to Christ by the
force of their own dynamic words, --by their engaging
personality, -by their own amazing personal testimonial, -by
their love for kids, and
with their great programming ideas. I know this is true because it used
to describe me as well.
Well youth-fans, I'm here to tell you it doesn't work
like that most of the time. The race is not to the swift or
silver-tongued youth leader once a week on Sunday. It's to the caring, enduring,
genuine, playful, and faithful parent. The kids'
parents and you. -Over time. -Over the years. That's
part of the reason why we designed Tribe13 as a family
group with the long term commitment of the leaders. And
it's why we started this type of programming with them
when they were young, instead of waiting until the 7th
grade to forge relationships between then and with their
leaders.
And that's why in Tribe13 we worked
extra hard at incorporating parents and group meetings in
homes (described above). I'm sure you have a great
testimonial to give, so give it. But ideally, you want to
create the opportunity for their mom or dad, or older
brother or sister to represent Christ to them, because
frankly, you just aren't there enough hours in the week. And as Youth
Specialties guru Mike Yaconelli began to realize before his
life was cut short, --you want to connect kids to the
sanctuary, and not just your guitar-singing songfest,
creative prop-filled Bible talk, and crazy games. Youth and
youth groups don't last forever. You need to prepare them
for an adult faith and help them understand what church is
all about. I could go on, but like the man said,
if you don't get it by now, don't bother doing it.
Lamentations
We weren't able to see the experiment past
2007. It went really well for six years, but then it
ended due to circumstances in that church that had
nothing to do with Tribe13 itself. The Hill Church
had some serious problems which we could no longer
overlook. There's
only so much you can take before the frustration
starts to undermine your desire to keep going there. We
reached that point in mid-2007 even as we were planning
a truly spectacular post-Confirmation year with Tribe13.
A series of things happened which led my family and
others to walk away. I've written about this experience, -what
happened, and what I learned from it, over at
http://sundayresources.net/neil/2008/05/20/why-we-left-our-last-church/
Sadly, during the first draft of this article, I received a letter from
two more Hill Church families that were leaving for many of
the same reasons we did.
As mentioned, not everyone at Hill Church liked our
Tribe13 concept. From the outside it looked like we were
trying to build an "exclusive" group. And because it didn't
fit the traditional Wed or Sunday Nite model, some leaders
and members viewed it with suspicion. Churches like their
youth groups to be "seen." And here we were opting out of
Wed Nite dinners and going to group members' homes instead.
And some people didn't like the fact that the existence of
Tribe13 was "a critique" of previous attempts at children
and youth programming.
Indeed, as Tribe13 flourished, the other groups started
to shrink for reasons unrelated to the Tribe, -but it made
some grumble. And as their groups shrunk, there was a subtle
pressure to "combine into the Tribe at some point in the
future" the few kids from the grades surrounding the Tribe's
two grades. In some circumstances, that would be fine.
But what bothered me about that was that they weren't
willing to address the reasons for the shrinkage or try
new things to grow. They were just following the
traditional path and getting the traditional diminishing
returns. Rather than re-imagine how they could minister to
their shrinking number of High Schoolers, they just assumed
that they would eventually meld the older kids in with the
Tribe as the Tribe got to 8th and 9th grade.
The final straw actually involved something related to
Tribe13. We wanted to take the group on a summer trip to the YCamp of the Rockies
(a very youth group friendly and spiritual place) --and needed permission to send a $700
refundable deposit to hold our reservation. It was
unanimously approved by the Session of the Hill Church, but
the next day the pastor accused us of "tieing the financial
hands of the congregation" --which at that time had a $200,000
budget. Yeah, it was that bizarre. This same
pastor had just pushed through a building campaign,
threatening to leave if it wasn't approved.
After we left, another
Tribe family left,
the remaining Tribe leadership team faded, and certain
people couldn't wait to add the Tribe13 kids into the
remnants of the older youth group to bolster its number. Two years later, some of the Tribe kids are the core
of that youth group, but they tell my daughter via text and
Facebook that it's not
good, and they miss the Tribe. We didn't reach our goal of graduating the group and
following them through college, but we did give them a
good foundation. And maybe some of the ideas and emphasis of
the Tribe concept have rubbed off on the people there.
Not every good story has a perfect
ending. But this story isn't about me, or that
church.... it's about YOUR church.
It's about being HONEST about what doesn't work, and
BOLD to make changes.
I hope some of my ideas and experiences help your own,
and get you and your kids to where you need to go.
Now let me tell you about our Tribe13
CONFIRMATION Experience!
 Of
all the things the Tribe did, --and of all the youth
ministry I've ever done, I'm most proud of this.
As a pastor, I had led 11 traditional classes to their
Confirmation Day. And every year, I would lament the fact
that HALF my class was composed of kids who rarely darkened
the church door. I actually had one youth tell me that his
father said, "Get confirmed and I'll never ask you to go to
another thing at church." And you know what? He never did
come to another thing.
Now remember, our youth group numbers were no lie. I
related well to kids and was a pretty creative teacher too.
And I know our creative-traditional classes did impact some kids lives. But after 11 years of watching many of
the confirmands fall off the cliff afterwards, and after
watching my OWN two daughters have a horrible Confirmation
experience at the hands of the Hill Church, I swore it would
never happen to my youngest daughter. So when we started
Tribe13, I told the pastor, "when it comes time to confirm
them, I promise to lead that effort." And he was obviously
happy to have that off his plate.
My Tribe13 "Confirmation concept" is disarmingly
simple:
Turn their Confirmation into a celebration of
what they had already achieved, -of what they had already
become, --rather than treating it like a hoop to jump
through and a "crash course in Christianity."
Instead, we taught the "content of Confirmation" to them
in small doses in the years leading up to their
Confirmation. That freed us up to handle the
Confirmation year a little bit differently and it
changed the 'quality' of the kids' experience
tremendously.
In fact, I used to tell the Tribe kids that when it came
time for their confirmation it would be a party, not a bunch
of classes to pass.
Which isn't to say we didn't teach them "content." What
we did was make the traditional topics of confirmation
part of their Tribe13 experience in the years LEADING UP TO
their confirmation year. For example, we taught a creative
unit on the Apostles Creed (basic systematic theology!) when
the Tribe kids were in the 5th and 6th grade. We made sure
the parents understood that this unit was part of our
long-range Confirmation process, and attendance was
especially good for those meetings.
And because the Tribe kids and leaders
knew each other so well and were great together, the
content and discussion went a lot more smoothly and was
more well-received than any other Confirmation group I
had ever led.
We also told the kids years in advance that they would
have to be "invited" by the church to be confirmed, or...
make their own request. When their Confirmation Year
approached, I gave each of them a personal handwritten
letter of invitation, talking about what I saw in their
character and faith. To most, I said, "you are already a
member of this church in the eyes of God...let's go a
little deeper and make this a party." In
other Confirmation classes in previous churches, the
kids approached it with a mixture of dread and
disinterest.
Oh, we did cover some dry subjects. At
the Fall retreat the year before they were
confirmed, we did a fun romp through church history and what
it meant to be a Presbyterian. It was such a better setting than
sitting in a classroom, and because we enjoyed being
together so much and the kids were comfortable with each
other, the discussion flowed.
By the time they got to their "Confirmation Year" they
had already learned most of the traditional content via the
Tribe's youth group learning environment, and not a stuffy
class on Saturday morning in the pastor's office. We
told them they had to "attend a minimum of 10 worship
services" in their Confirmation year, and do a service
project. Thing is, all of them were already regularly
attending, regularly worshipping, and regularly helping
with service projects.
In traditional Confirmation classes, the kids are often
asked to help lead a worship service. We didn't have to do
that with Tribe13 because they had already been doing that
since they were in the 5th grade.
In traditional Confirmation classes
there's a unit about the Sacraments. But we didn't have to teach
them about Passover-Communion because they knew all about it through
our bi-annual in-home seder meals which they loved.
In a traditional class, the kids read
a book and discuss it. In
keeping with the Tribe's "home" and "parent-important"
focus, we had them read a booklet with a parent, or with an
older brother and sister. They read it aloud to each other
and the chapters had questions to
answer (designed to get them sharing, especially asking the
parent or sibling to share their experiences and
questions). When they were
done, they both signed the back page and turned it in. My
daughter read the booklet with her older sister. Another confirmand read it with her grandmother. Yet another
confirmand asked a Sunday teacher to read it with them.
Traditionally, we invited the church elders to come talk
to the confirmands, but we gave it a huge twist. Instead of
the elders
"examining" the kids, we had the kids "examine"
the elders. They asked questions like, "what it
was like when you were confirmed," and "when did you first
feel like God was real in your life." Of course, the
kids had to answer the question too, and the elders were really
impressed. Our biggest problem with the interviews was
having enough time. The kids said it was a neat experience.
We also severely tweaked the
Confirmation Day Worship Service...
On Confirmation Day, we had the kids come forward to make
their vows individually, ...but we asked them to invite family
members and significant others to join them up front. These
significant others came forward and
participated in the liturgy and vows. They laid their hands
on them in a prayer --making a powerful visual statement.
Afterwards in the Fellowship Hall, the Tribe was typically
standing together, and introducing each other to their
grandparents and relatives who had come for the big day.
I've stood in many a post- Confirmation fellowship halls
having cake and greeting family and members. But that
Sunday was extra special. The members sensed it and
responded. It was a party indeed.
[What about the kids who were of similar age to
the Tribe and wanted to join? That wasn't a problem for
us. We had two church kids in that age group who didn't
attend the Tribe due to outside commitments. So we programmed them their own
set of classes with a teacher on Sunday morning, and had
them attend the Tribe's Confirmation events when
possible. One-size does not fit all. There's a
time and place for individual teens to spend time
with a teacher and make their confirmation in a
different way.]
In all my years of leading confirmation classes, I've
never had a better experience than this one. And I've never
had more parents and members come up to me with such joy in
their eyes (and a few tears) thanking me for helping guide
their kids to this day. And it all began years before when
we turned them into "the Tribe."
You've reached the end of this
article.
I hope our experiment and story will help you own.
<>< Neil MacQueen
Copyright 2009, Neil MacQueen,
www.sundaysoftware.com
Permission granted to excerpt or reprint for
non-commercial purposes.
|
In
2001 at the Hill Church in suburban Columbus Ohio, we took two
grades of kids from within our big group fellowship and formed
them into their own fellowship group, --with the intent of keeping
them together through Grade School, Middle School, Confirmation, and High School
-with the same leaders.